07 A New Life

 

Patricia opened her eyes, blinking a few times to focus and saw the time on the chronometer. 0445 hours, like clockwork. She’d be right on time to go work out and come back and…and what? The realization of her decision began to settle in. She hadn’t had much time to think about it in the moments afterwards once she and Chance reconnected in a way, beyond physical, they hadn’t in a long time.

It was his arms around her at the moment which also brought another stark reality. How long had it been since they fell asleep like this, much less woke up that way? Certainly years. But here they were and she happily settled back into him.  

Without the action packed life what would she do with her time? If they were back on the Mercutio she could babysit or still feel useful. But this wasn’t an intel ship it was a medical center. Filled with thousands of strangers. She had Chance and Kieran and nothing else now. At least her jaunts around the galaxy had provided a few hours or days of normalcy–normal for her.  

She rested in his arms but was watching the ceiling and couldn’t help feel like she was looking up at a mausoleum.

 

Eventually Chance got up, as well as Kieran, and they had a rare family breakfast before the kid headed to his classes and Chance to work. The house was quiet as she looked around. Little mementos dotted the room. Pictures from vacations, Kieran’s school pictures, and of course one of their wedding day. The home looked so normal but she felt anything but.  

She got showered and dressed and headed out to the station just to try and think, but being surrounded by hundreds was as bad as being alone. Because she didn’t know any of them. Some of them knew her or knew of her because occasionally she’d get more than a glance her way. Ones that held for seconds with eyes narrowed. She remembered those looks from her past. She’d seen them when she began her Shadow training, and when she’d come aboard the Mercutio. She’d come to think of both of those places as home eventually but this place, she doubted she could.

When she returned home she had eight messages awaiting her, all from Charlie. She knew it was unfair to him to resign the way she had, but what choice did she have? Chance wouldn’t believe her anymore. Part of her didn’t believe herself either. Operations and missions were in her blood but they weren’t more important than losing her family.  

She finally laid on her bed with a sigh, looking up at that same mausoleum ceiling. Something would come along, it almost had to. Because for all the violence, aggression, war, and horrific things she’d experienced, this station with its sanitized architecture and society might finally be the thing to drive her insane.