Life On Patrol – An Insiders View

Written Bydulac
Published On

Good morning Federation Folks, I’m no stranger it’s reporter Rick Astley here bringing you the latest news and views from the developing crisis along the Romulan border.

In my last report I bought you word of the radiation crisis causing huge humanitarian problems for colonies along the Romulan border. I also spoke to the Starfleet Captain leading evacuation and support efforts who assured us everything will be fine.

But weeks later the radiation spikes higher as reports of missing ships, military patrols and raids from unidentified vessels begin to flood in. While Starfleet has not been able to substantiate any of these claims they have given me unrestricted comms time with the crew of the USS Tesla!

Currently patrolling the Federation/Romulan border the Tesla has been on hand to protect our interests while investigating the cause of the radiation build up.

I was hoping to speak to the senior staff, but unfortunately they have been preoccupied by a queue? I don’t know what they’re queuing up for but it better be good to miss speaking to this reporter! I have however managed to speak to some of the junior officers who really have their fingers on the pulse of life onboard the Tesla.

I first heard from sickbay where I spoke to Doctor John Fox. 

RA: “Doctor I suppose this crisis is keeping you busy. So thank you for your time! Can you tell me how the crew’s health is holding up?”

JF: “Well Rebecca.”

RA: “It’s Rick.”

JF: “Whatever! Listen Rita it’s been rough. Nothing but upset stomachs and headaches. It’s like the whole crew has been on a three week bender with the best Romulan ale that latinum can buy.”

RA: “That sounds nauseating, is there anything else you can share about the crisis?”

JF: “There is but I haven’t had my coffee yet and I just really don’t want to, I mean no offence but speaking to the press is just the worst.”

Following on from Doctor Fox’s interesting interview I got to speak to Warrant Officer Nahia Sendoa, a member of the Teslas engineering team.

RA: “I understand your Chief Engineer has really helped keep the Tesla safe while she’s been on patrol. Can you tell me what she’s like?

NS: “She’s cute, but dumb… you’re not going to use that, are you?”

RA: “OF course not!”

Lastly I got to speak to security team leaders Bess Tillman and Mike Roache. It was my comms time with them that was the most revealing.

RA: “Being in security I guess you guys see all the action am I right?

BT: “Not really…mostly we just walk around swapping dirty jokes.”

MR: “Apart from that night we saw the Captain tackle that guy naked! That was weird right?”

BT: “He wasn’t naked, he was in his underwear!”

RA: “Is it normal to see your Commanding Officer wrestle with people in just their briefs?

MR: “I dont know.”

BT: “Probably?”

So there you have it folks, a slice in the life of Starfleet’s finest. Although if you ask this reporter Starfleet seems to have lost its shine and luster these days. Should we really be trusting our lives to these men and women? Is Starfleet still the paragon of virtue and courage we remember from days gone by?

I leave that for you to decide. Never giving news up or letting you down. This is reporter Rick Astley signing off.


While we have your attention, why not stop by the Tesla and check out our adventures first hand.