USS Majestic – Streaker Foul

Written Bydulac
Published On

Editors Note: This piece is for satire only

During our intrepid reporters investigation into Rear Admiral Harrington, we mentioned Captain Jane Saulitis, CO of the USS Majestic and newly promoted to Task Group Commander for Task Force 72-A division. The Captain, seen as a close confident and more of the Admiral, has been under close watch since her meteoric rise to the position, after the suspicious transfer of the previous officer to hold the post. And we have discovered that there is an issue on board the Majestic that the captain and her Andorian executive officer have been attempting to cover up.

There is a person or persons unknown deliberately causing havoc on the Majestic, by running naked down the hallways and smirking at people.  The security Chief, one Romulan known as Lhaes Sommers, has been ineffective in his efforts, such as they are, to find the persons. Are they really that bad at their job that they cannot find the perpetrators of this … well crime? How hard can it be to find people running naked through the halls of a starship?

 Is the Majestic so technologically behind that its internal scanners cannot find and track these nudists? One would think that sleeping with an Admiral would gain Captain Saulitis a better equipped ship? Or maybe she just isn’t that good in bed to earn an Elysium or Vesta class? And what about her crew? Surly the Security Chief, the previous mentioned Lhaes Sommers, a Lieutenant Commander (Apparently) should have the brains to be able to affect an arrest? Or is he too busy doing other things? And if he is so inept, surely there are other officers on the ship, like the CEO and the ChOps who can look at computer logs and assist?

It sounds like the Majestic is badly crewed if they cannot chase down a couple of nudist streakers. The descriptions of the streakers are:

1.    Human male, with dark hair

2.    Trill Male, or a man with Spots – there are other races with spots, not just Trills.

There are several officers on the Majestic that meet the one of above descriptions, including:

Ensign Wilfred Wexler, an ensign still at age 30.

Lieutenant Commander Dominic Aldrich – the Chief of Science

And the Civilian Chef, Patrick O’Malley

One asks if they have been questioned about their whereabouts at the time the streakers were running wild?

What can be said is that the newly promoted Jane Saulitis is either highly incompetent or she is too busy focusing on her ladder climbing to make sure her crew are doing their duties properly.  One hopes that the Admiralty of Starfleet Command looks into this matter as soon as possible.

This is Cat Grant reporting